


Pilot

by draconicPeacekeeper



Series: Nineninestuck [1]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Detectives, Alternate Universe - Police, Crossover, F/F, Humanstuck, M/M, Unrequited Love, foodie john
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-02-16 03:51:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13045914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/draconicPeacekeeper/pseuds/draconicPeacekeeper
Summary: Detective Dave Strider loves his job, but what happens when new captain Rose Lalonde takes over?John Egbert has fallen head over heels for Meenah Peixes, and he's confident that she'll love him back someday.





	1. Prologue

My name is Dave Strider.

 

This job is eating me alive. I can't breathe anymore. I spent all these years trying to be the good guy, the man in the white hat. 

 

Hah. I'm not becoming like them. I  _ am  _ them.

 

“Hey!” A voice jolts you out of your (epic) monologue, and you turn to the side to find your coworker sneering at you. Karkat Vantas, your fellow officer of the law. Short, untamed brown hair dark enough to be just-about black, pale skin that's almost-but-not-quite tan, and round eyes the same color as his hair. “What are you doing, weirdo?”

 

“I'm doing the best speech from Donnie Brasco!” you say. “Or, actually.” You turn to glance at the monitors behind you. Each one reflects an image of your own face. “Ten of me are doing the best speech from Donnie Brasco. ‘Sup?” you say to the monitors.

 

“Get it together, man. Okay?” says Karkat. You snort and turn back to the screens while Karkat interrogates the shopkeeper.

 

“So the store was hit about two hours ago. They took mostly tablets, laptops, and cameras-” he starts, before being interrupted by an ‘80s hip-hop beat. He swivels around to find you messing with one of the keyboards from the shop.

 

You pause the music. “Sorry,” you say, not actually sorry at all.

 

Karkat turns back to the shopkeeper as if nothing had happened. “I'd like a list of all your employees, whoever had access to the store.” he says, clicking his pen and flipping his notepad open. “I'd also like to apologize for my partner, his parents didn't give him enough attention.”

 

“Uh, detective!” you say, smirking as he turns around, exasperation written clear on his face. “I already solved the case.”

 

“We're looking for three white males, one of whom has sleeve tats on both arms.” you continue.

 

“And how do you know that?” asks Karkat, giving you a look of disbelief.

 

“I had an informant on the inside.” you say. Karkat furrows his brow in confusion as you proceed. “He's been here for years. Watching, learning, waiting. His code name?” You pull a teddy bear from behind the rack, keeping your face completely serious. “Fuzzy cuddle bear.” You flip him around, grinning wide. “He’s a nanny cam!”

 

Karkat scoffs, mouth twisting into a familiar scowl. “You got lucky.”

 

“No,” you say, pulling out the recording and plugging it into the monitors. “I got here ten minutes before you and figured that in this gigantic electronics store, there had to be at least one working camera.” You turn to the screens as Karkat shakes his head and find a video of some robbers pulling goods into their bags. “Oh! Hi, bad guys! You did it, Fuzzy. You busted them! It's time to come home.” you smile at the toy bear in your arms. Then you turn the bear towards Karkat and do your best impression of Fuzzy cuddle bear. “I'm not sure if I can. I've been undercover so long, I've forgotten who I am. I have seen terrible things.” Karkat rolls his eyes as Fuzzy continues. “I haven't known the touch of another in many moons…”

 

“All right,” says Karkat, turning to leave. 

 

“Detective Vantas!” you cry, still doing your Fuzzy impression. “Don't walk away from meee!”

 

You and Vantas haul the criminals back to the 99th precinct and load them into their temporary jail cell. You may have bumped into him a few times at the top of the stairs.


	2. Old Person Gunk

Your morning briefing begins at 8:30 AM, same time it always does. You are currently regalling everyone with the tale of your fantastic, unbeatable detective work like the humble genius you are.

 

“Yes, I did crack the case,” you say, grinning in a way that you _know_ gets on Karkat’s nerves. “So, Vantas. Would you do the honors?”

 

He groans and marches up to a whiteboard at the front of the room. He’s followed by a trail of anticipating _ohhhhs_ from the others in the room, all of whom love to see people be embarrassed. In the corner of the whiteboard is a small chart that reads “Strider: 23” and “Vantas: 22”. Karkat picks up an eraser and wipes away the 23. “I hate this,” he says. He picks up a marker instead and mutters “I hate this,” once more.

 

“Yeah, you’re just gonna want to add one.” you say. He scribbles a 24 in his tiny handwriting. You’ve always found it amusing that someone like Karkat could have such small writing. “I’m winning!” you remind him as he stomps back to his seat. You’re enjoying the sound of everyone’s applause. You know they find this just as amusing as you do.

 

“It’s a good feeling,” you tell the people around you. “It’s a good feeling! Yeah.”

 

“Enjoy it while it lasts,” says Karkat, giving you a taunting smirk.

 

“I will!”

 

Sergeant Jade Harley walks up to the stand. She ‘s a very strong girl with long, wild black hair, skin the color of coffee beans, and bright green eyes that startle you when she glares. “DS, update on the Morgenthau murder?” she asks.

 

“Yup!” you climb out of your seat and join her at the front of the room. “Good news for all you murder fans.” You hear some of your coworkers laugh and feel gratified. As you talk, you gesture to the screen beside you, which displays pictures relating to the crime. “Earlier this morning, someone decided to shoot and kill luxury food importer Henry Morgenthau. Body was found by the cleaning lady, during the interview I deduced using expert detective work that she had something super gross on her chin.”

 

The room makes disgusting noises at the sight, and frankly you can’t blame them. It is pretty gross. “I think it was flan,” says John.

 

“John thinks it was flan, I think it was butterscotch pudding,” you say with a shrug.

 

“Maybe it was just old person gunk,” says Meenah. She has her heels up on the table and her arms crossed in boredom. “You know how old people always have that gunk on them?”  
  
“Oldie gunk. Could be, yeah,” you say. “Anyone else?”

 

“How about we focus on the murder, and not the old person gunk?” says Jade, sounding exasperated.

 

“Crime techs are at the scene now, we’re headed back when they’re done,” says Karkat.  
  
“Okay, I want you on this!” says Jade. “It’s gonna be priority number one for the new C.O.”

 

Everyone gets up to leave. “Wait!” says Meenah, and you all pause to look at her. “Tell us about the new captain.”

 

“Captain Lalonde will be here soon. She’ll want to introduce herself!” says Jade. “Dismissed.”

 

You all file out of the room, but you can’t stop thinking. Your name is Dave Strider and you cannot wait to meet the new captain.

* * *

 

Your name is Vriska Serket and you aren’t doing anything in particular, besides working. It would probably be boring if anyone else was doing it, but as a stunning, endlessly interesting member of humanity it is very difficult for you to be boring.

 

John strolls up to you and slides into your chair with that insufferable side-smirk that lets you know he’s planning something. “Hey Vriska, you know any scalpers?” he asks. “I wanna ask Meenah to go to the Rhianna concert with me, but it’s all sold out.”

 

You frown at him. “Mmmkay, two points to make here. First, Rhianna? You,” you gesture to him with your pencil. “And then, _Rhianna._ ” You wave your hands out in front of you to show exactly how much better she is in comparison to John.

  
“Yeah,” says John, sounding defensive. “What’s your second point?”

 

“She’s got a type,” you say. “Which is really anyone but you.”

 

John looks forlorn for a moment. “Yeah, that was my ex-wife’s type too.”

 

“Look, a Rhianna concert’s a pretty big swing, man!” you say. You sigh, resting your head on your knuckles. “I don’t know. She’s into watching old movies.”

 

“Cool,” says John. “Where would I find a place that shows old movies?”

 

“Oh yeah, just go on the internet and search for the phrase: I want to buy two movie tickets for a girl who doesn’t like me.”

 

“Great!” says John, getting up to walk away. “Thank you.”

* * *

 

“Hey, you heard anything about the new captain?” asks Karkat, sitting on your desk and tossing a can of soda into the trash.

  
“Uh, no, and I don’t care.” you say. Your name is Dave Strider and this is shaping up to be a pretty stupid conversation. “I just wish Captain McGintley never left, he was the best.”

 

“He was terrible!” says Karkat, giving you a disbelieving look. “You just liked him ‘cause he let you do anything you wanted.”

 

You remember when you and Meenah had decided to hold a roller chair derby. You’d sat in the chairs side-by-side and prepared to set off your fire extinguishers while your coworkers cheered you on. “On your marks!” you announced. “Get set…”

 

Just then, Captain McGintley had come out of this office and looked around the room in alarm. “What the hell is going on around here?” he asked.

 

You all stared at him apprehensively. “...Fire extinguisher roller chair derby?” you said.

 

He stared at you for a minute before shrugging and returning to his office. “Okay.”

 

Everyone resumed their cheering and Vriska pumped her hand in the air. “Aaand go!” Meenah announced as the two of you rocketed off across the room.

 

Back in the present, you’re giving Karkat a confused look. “What’s your point?”

 

Karkat shakes his head with a scowl, arms crossed and brows furrowed. “If I’m ever gonna make captain, I need a good mentor. I need my rabbi.”

 

You look back at your paperwork. “Sorry dude, but this new guy’s gonna be another washed up pencil-pusher who’s only concerned with _following every rule in the patrol guide._ Meep morp zeep, robot captain engage!” you say the last part in a robotic voice, moving your hands like you imagine a robot would. You’re too busy doing this to notice when someone comes up behind you.   
  
“Is that what you think?” asks the new captain.

 

You stand up abruptly, giving her a nervous smile. “Hey heyyy! New captain alert!” you give a fake laugh that nobody seems to buy. “You must be the new C.O., I’m detective Dave Strider. Great to meet you.” You pretend you can’t hear Karkat snickering behind you.

 

The new captain has curly hair dyed lavender, dark skin, and impeccable violet makeup that matches her eyes. “No, don’t let me interrupt. You were describing what kind of person I’m going to be. I’d like you to finish.”

  
You take a deep breath. “Oooh, that’s. Not. Necessary…” The new captain stares you in the eyes without changing their expression. “Or I could recap very quickly, sure!”  You swallow and look around your coworkers nervously. Karkat’s smiling like Christmas has come early. “Um, let’s see, I think I said some joke about… being a washed-up pencil pusher-”

 

“Now do the robot voice,” says the new captain, face unchanged.  


“Wha-” you mumble.

 

She gives you a look. “The robot voice you were doing when you implied I’m a rule-following robot. I want to hear it again.” Mituna looks between the both of you like he’s watching a scandinavian soap opera and a fight is about to break out. John’s eyes are flickering from face to face like he’s waiting for some kind of dam to break. Karkat gives you a nod to continue, looking thrilled with this development.

  
You give a half-hearted “Meep morp… zarp…” and raise your hands in a less enthusiastic robot dance. “Robot…”

 

“That’s a terrible robot voice.”

  
“Yep.”

  
She smacks her lips before continuing. “The next time I see you, I’d like you to be wearing a necktie.” She walks away without faltering once.

 

“Oh, uh, actually,” you say. “The last captain didn’t care if we wore ties.”

 

She whips around. “Well, your new captain does. And more importantly, she cares that you follow her direct orders.” She glances around the room at all of you. “Everyone, I’m your new commanding officer, Captain Rose Lalonde.”

 

“Speech!” says Karkat.

 

“That was my speech.”

 

“Oh,” he says. “Short and sweet. Okay.”

 

She beckons Jade into her office. “Sergeant Harley, a word.”

 

“Yes, ma’am.”

 

Karkat lets out a breath as the door closes behind Jade. “I love that guy,” he says. You can’t tell if he’s being sarcastic.

 

“Same!” you say, not sure if _you_ are being sarcastic.

 

“She’s so suave,” says Vriska. “Anyone else get a little bit of a gay vibe?”

  
You all stare at her. “No?” she says. “Okay.”

* * *

Your name is Rose Lalonde, and you would like to speak to someone about this precinct. You figure Jade is the best option available.

 

“So Sergeant,” you say, sitting down at your desk. “You were in the 1-8 with me. Though you were significantly younger, correct?”

 

“Mmm hmm,” she says.

 

“What’s this I hear about you being on administrative leave?”

 

She sighs and pulls a small photo out of her pocket. “A year ago, my spouse and I had twin baby girls. Cagney and Lacey.”

 

The photo shows her daughters smiling happily into the camera. “They have adorable chubby cheeks,” you say.

 

“Ever since, I’ve been scared of getting hurt. Lost my edge,” Jade tells you. “There was a incident in a department store.”

 

_Your name is Jade Harley from about a year ago. You and your friend Dave are currently investigating a robbery that was reported to have happened in this very department store. You shift in your seat from your hiding spot behind the clothing racks._

 

_“Hey man, you okay?” asks Dave, looking concerned. “You look a little jumpy.”_

_  
_ _“I’m fine, I’m fine,” you say. You’re not about to admit how spooked you are. You are Sergeant Jade Harley, dang it, and you can handle a little burglary!_

 

_A clanging noise comes from somewhere behind you. You scream and jumps up, firing your gun rapidly at the mystery noise. You only stop when you run out of bullets. The statue you shot drops to the floor with a bang, bullet holes covering its face._

 

_“I think he’s dead,” Dave says._

 

You are now back to being Captain Rose Lalonde. The story Jade told you was… quite worrying. You wonder if she needs any help.

 

“I’m still not right,” she says.

 

You get up from your seat and move to the window overlooking the precinct. “Tell me about your detective squad,” you say.

 

She clears her throat. “Um, well. Gamzee, Mituna, and Daniels.” He points to two men and a woman in the corner. Gamzee has a wild mane of tangled black hair and is wearing some sortof monochrome clown getup. Mituna is wearing a yellow-and-black jumpsuit with the zodiac sign Gemini on it, as well as a red and blue visor that covers his eyes. Daniels looks normal compared to these two, but something about her makes you doubt she’s ever done anything interesting in her life.

“They’re pretty much worthless,” says Jade. “But they make good cofee!”

  
“Copy that,” you say.

 

“Now the good ones. Meenah Peixes!” Meenah has curly black hair tied into two thin braids that trail down her back. She has thick eyebrows and black makeup, and is wearing a leather jacket with boots. “Tough, smart, hard to read and really scary.” As you’re watching, Meenah gets frustrated with her computer and starts wacking it in the side.

 

_Last Christmas, she had confronted Mituna in the hallway. “Tell me who has me for Secret Santa,” she demanded._

_  
_ _“No! That takes all the fun out of it!” said Mituna._

 

_She glared at him._

 

_“It’s Gamzee,” he said. “He got you a scarf. I’ll make him return it.”_

 

_“Yes, you will,” said Meenah, turning to leave._

 

Jade gestures to the next person. “John Egbert.” He has bright blue eyes and matching glasses and seems like the sort who never brushes his hair. “He’s a grinder. Not the most brilliant detective, but he works harder than anyone else. He’s not physically… gifted.”

 

_This morning, he had fumbled with the muffin he was holding and it plopped onto the floor._

 

_“Oh man, my muffin!” he said, bending down to pick it up. But before he could reach it, he hit his head on the hard countertop. “Ahhh!” he yelled, clutching his head and stumbling back. “Ahh, my head! My muffin, my head, and I stepped on m-my muffin and my head and my muffin-”_

 

“Karkat Vantas,” Jade points to the next detective. “He’s got seven brothers, so he’s always trying to prove he’s tough.”

 

_During luch break, Karkat had started pouring a bit of hot sauce on his sandwich._

 

_“Careful, that stuff’s pretty hot,” said Gamzee._

 

_“Oh, is it?” said Karkat, uncorking the bottle and poring the whole thing on top. “Hmm?”_

 

_He stuffed the entire sandwhich in his mouth and lasted about a second before recoiling. He made a horribly disgusted face and started choking. It was pretty hilarious._

 

“He and Strider have some big bet about who gets more arrests this year,” Jade tells you. “Ever since the bet, the numbers have gone way up.”

 

“Tell me about Strider,” you say.

 

“David Strider is my best detective,” she says, pointing to where he’s playing with an action figure. “He likes putting away bad guys and he loves solving puzzles. The only puzzle he hasn’t solved… is how to grow up.”

 

“That was very well put,” you say.

 

“I’ve talked a lot about Dave in my departmentally mandated therapy sessions.”

 

You take a deep breath. “Look, you know my history. You know how important this is to me. This precinct is doing fine, but I wanna make it the best one in Brooklyn. And I need your help.”

 

“Absolutely, ma’am,” says Jade. She reaches out and shakes your hand. “Where do we start?”

 

You look out the window to where Dave is doing a cocky dance around the desks that belongs to him and Karkat.

 

“We start with him,” you say.


	3. Jamon Iberico

Your name is Dave Strider, and at 1:15 PM you arrived at the apartment of the murder victim, Henry Morgenthau.

 

“Okay,” you say, gesturing around the room as you speak. “So the perp broke into the apartment, left the muddy red footprint, and apparently had sex with the dish rack.

 

“Shell casing found here, two shots,” says Karkat, half-heartedly making fingerguns with his hands. “Bang bang.”

 

“Great work, detective!” You pull a tie out of your pocket and toss it at him. “You get a tie.”

 

“Hey that’s mine, you took it from my desk!” says John.

 

“That’s right John, good solve!” you say, tossing him one too.

 

John grins. “Thanks!” Meenah snickers as John tucks the tie into his pocket.

 

“Now everyone be sure to put those on, because it’s impossible to solve crimes unless you’re wearing a tie.” you say.

 

Karkat rolls his eyes. “Lay off the captain, that woman is gonna be my rabbi.”

 

“Okay first off all, when you use the word rabbi, you know that turns me on and that’s unfair in a work environment,” you say, choosing to ignore Karkat’s shake of the head. “Secondly, your rabbi is a pain in my ass.”

 

“Yeah, she’s a little too serious!” says John. “What do you think, Meenah?”

 

“She seems cool,” she says.

 

“Yeah, she seems cool, I agree!”

 

“Looks like the perp stole a computer, a watch, and a jamon iberico ham valued at- ahaha, what!! Six thousand dollars!” Meenah offers the paper a sharktooth grin in amusement.

 

“Six thousand dollars for a ham??” you say in disbelief.

 

“Jamon iberico is an amazing cured ham from spain. They had it at my uncle’s funeral. I gorged myself at that funeral!” says John. “I mean, I was constipated for three days.”

 

“Wow, that’s a great story, John. Thank you,” you say, not bothering to hide the sarcasm dripping off your tone. John laughs, but you can’t really tell if it’s from the sarcasm or if he thought you were being serious.

 

“Alright, listen up everybody!” you yell. “Better contact Captain Lalonde, let her know we have a ten tie situation.”

 

“Speaking of ties,” comes an unfortunately familiar voice from behind you. “Where’s yours, meep-morp?”

 

“This is fantastic,” you mutter as Karkat smirks. “Captain! Heyyy, welcome to the murder! What are you doing here?”

 

“I like to know what my detectives are up to. That okay by you?” she says. You give a quick nod in affirmation. It’s not like you can disagree, anyways. “Take Vantas with you and knock on the doors. See if the neighbors heard anything.”

  
“ _Door duty_ ?? It’s a waste of time!” you protest.

She ignores you in favor of delegating more meaningless tasks to the rest of the group. “Peixes and Egbert, check in with the coroner, report back to me in an hour.”

 

She walks out the room and you sigh. “Well, that went well.”

 

“No, it didn’t,” comes her voice from the hallway.

 

“She’s got like, super hearing,” you mutter.

* * *

 

“Hey Meenah! Meenah!!” Your name is John Egbert and you are currently sprinting to keep up with your crush as she strides toward the car. “Um, I-I just happened to notice that, uhh, there’s an old movie festival… playing at the film form this week… wanna go?”

 

“Sure,” says Meenah.

 

You blink in surprise. God, you did _not_ expect that. “C-cool! Awesome! There’s a bunch of movie options… I’ll probably just go with something classic. Like Citizen Kane!”

 

“Citizen Kane is terribubble, pick a good movie!” she says, frowning.

 

“Good call. Smart,” you say as she drives away. “I’ll do it! I’ll pick a better movie than… Citizen Kane.”

* * *

 

Your name is Rose Lalonde, and you feel you may have found an intriguing little worm into this precinct’s secrets.

 

“So, Vriska,” you say. “Civilian administrators like yourself often have their ears to the ground. What do Vantas and Strider have riding on this bet of theirs?”

 

“I will tell you on six conditions!” she says, giving you a sharptoothed grin that suggests she thinks she’s being suave. “Number one, you let me use the office to practice my dance moves. Second-”

 

“How about this?” you interrupt. “If you tell me…”

 

“Mmm-hm?”

 

“I won’t have you suspended. Without pay.”

 

“Oh, that sounds great!” she says, like the upper hand has not just been swept out from under her like dust in a dustpan. “Okay, the deal is: If Karkat gets more arrests, Dave has to give him his car. It’s an old mustang, and it’s pretty sweet. If Dave gets more arrests, Karkat has to go on a date with him! Dave _guarantees_ it will end in sex. I bet on at least some over-the-clothes action. At the very least some touching…”

 

“No, that’s enough, Vriska.”

 

“Caresses… I can see Dave showing up in a silk robe-”

 

“That’s enough, Vriska.”

 

“All right.”

 

“...Thank you.”

* * *

 

At 1:45 in Morgenthau’s building, you, the great detective Dave Strider, have been consigned to the most horrible crime of all: door duty.

 

“Let the wasting of time begin,” you mutter, knocking on the first door. A man comes out, freezing when he sees you. Looking behind him, you can see that there’s other people in his apartment.

 

“All right, sir! Can we ask you a few questions?” asks Karkat.

 

“Definitely! Yeah!” says the man, wide-eyed and staring at you like you’re the devil come to collect his soul and drag him to hell. You’re pretty sure there’s something else going on here, but before you can bring it up he barrels on. “I’m actually- I’m super glad you guys are here right now. Are you smelling that weed smell?”

 

“Yeah,” you and Karkat say, both somewhat concerned about where this is going.

 

“Cause a dude broke in, smoked weed, and bolted. Haha, it’s…”

 

“Do you think it’s the same dude who left that bong there on the floor?” you deadpan.

 

The man looks down to the floor, startled, and then looks back up at you. “...Yes?”

 

You and Karkat move on to the next door, marked number 3C. “Police!” you yell, already bored to death of doing this. Bored, more like CHORED. Because it’s a chore. See? You’re funny!

 

The door opens just a crack, and you can see that it’s locked with a chain. A man pokes his head through, looking rather like a cornered animal.

 

“Hello,” says Karkat.

 

“Hello,” says the man.

 

“What’s your name?”

 

“My name?”

 

“Mm-hmm.”

 

He says something that sounds like “Muh-leyp-nose”, the spelling of which escapes you.

 

“Can you spell that, please?” asks your partner, sounding just as bored as you are.

 

“M...L...E...P...cley…”

 

“Did you say ‘cley’?” asks Karkat.

 

“Yes, the ‘cley’ is silent.”

 

“All right, got it!” says Karkat, having profoundly not gotten it. He holds up a photo of Henry Morgenthau. “Have you seen this man before? He was shot last night.”

 

The man takes the photo and stares at it for a second. “Oh, thank you.”

 

He starts retreating back into his apartment with the photo, and Karkat yelps. “No, sir, that’s ours, we need that, we-” The door shuts behind Mlepnos.

 

“Aaaand he kept it,” you say, turning to give Karkat a resigned smirk.

* * *

Later on, the whole group is gathered around you and Karkat’s desk in order to review the case.

  
“No surprises from the coroner,” says John. “A few gunshots, shoulder and chest.”

 

“None of the neighbors heard anything, and what’s worse, Vantas struck out with a 92 year old!” you add, thinking about another door you had visited and it’s resident. Karkat had made a rather unwise bet that had resulted in a lot of teasing from you, as per usual.

_“Hello, sir!” you remember saying. “I am detective Right-all-the-time, and this is my partner, detective Terrible Detective!”_

 

The memory of it still makes you snicker.

 

“That is not accurate, sir,” Karkat says to the Captain.

 

“Wait, you hooked up with him? Blugh!!”

 

Rose interuppts before Karkat can retaliate. “Alright, hit the pawn shops and canvas the neighborhood, and while you’re out, you can buy yourself a tie.”

 

“Oh, actually sir, I’m wearing a tie right now!” you say, standing up with a big grin on your face. You pull up the bottom of your shirt to reveal a tie tied around your waste. “Check it out! Secret tie.”

 

“First of all, I think you’re kind of overdoing it with the manscaping,” says Rose. “But more importantly, detective, why do you refuse to take my orders seriously?” She turns to the other people at your desk. “Does anyone here know why it’s so important to me that you all dress appropriately?” Nobody speaks. “Hmm. Four highly trained detectives and none of you can solve this simple mystery. I want to be briefed on any new developments. Any questions?”

 

“I was gonna ask you if you thought I was doing too much manscaping but we solved that one so, I’m good.” You watch as Rose walks away and then immediately turn to John. “Hey, Egbert?”

 

“Yep?”

 

“What about this fancy ham stuff?”

 

“Jamon iberico.”

 

“Yes. The perp left a really expensive TV, but then stole ham? It doesn’t make sense. Is there a place near the crime scene that sells it?”

 

John frowns, before his face jolts with realization. “Beneficio’s might!”

 

“Let’s go,” you say, grabbing your coat from the chair.

 

“You gotta brief the C.O. first,” says John as you walk towards the door.

 

“We’ll brief her after we catch the guy,” you say. John looks towards the office for one moment, before following back after you.


End file.
